I am my favourite person By Becca Sutton

I stay up until 1am masturbating to ethically sourced lesbian porn,

my eyes glint with excitement when I see three moves ahead playing chess and I try to not let

on,

I sleep in until the afternoon when I should be working 

and complain about how busy my very un-busy day is,

I fixate on YouTube videos of world-record Tetris runs and men building cabins in the woods,

I tell everyone what a perfect bloke I would be; I could out drink every man down the pub,

I take my anti-psychotics with vodka and zero-calorie Monster 

and forget to take my birth control for the fourth day running

my nose often bleeds on a Monday morning and my eyes are bloodshot and sore,

I read books that make me seem smart on the tube,

and pose with my feet kicking in the air on my bed as a skip through poetry written by

women,

I have transcended the entire concept of a pick me girl – unless you’re a woman, 

then I will twiddle my hair between my fingers and laugh at your bad jokes,

flutter my eyelashes to get your attention in any way I can, 

I am no better than a man 

my bedroom is the perfect place to enact the male gaze,

to pretend I am looking coyly into your eyes as I enact fake conversations in my head,

I think about horrible things happening to my family to help me go to sleep,

I mourn fake deaths and divorces in my daydreams,

I am hardly even listening when you are speaking to me,

I am playing mobile games in my head, colours moving behind my eyes,

I light my candles every night like a seance,

I do not need to manifest – everything I have ever asked for has happened,

I read my tarot cards and laugh out loud at the pure depravity of the questions i am asking,

I made Covid-19 happen purely by thinking of something I wanted,

I truly would be unstoppable if I had bigger tits.